Getting Down to the Nitty Gritty
by TomBoy29
Summary: What would happen if Hellsing,Iscariot, and Millennium were in grade school? What crazy, dangerous and stupid things will they do? Can Abraham handle them for a whole school year? Well find out how he handles Alucard and the gang w/out loosing his sanity!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **This is my second fanfic for Hellsing! Also, the characters from Dracula are included in the story. Yup, Van Helsing and the gang are in the building (well some)! Secondly, some people are going to be added for the sake of the story, for example Alucard's father. I know he's not even introduced or mentioned in the Hellsing series or the book Dracula; it's just for the story. Plus, he won't be a major part. Now Enjoy!

The blonde elder sat down on his desk, sipping some of his herbal tea and trying to relax as the clock was close to striking seven-thirty in the morning. He folded his hands under his chin and looked up at the empty desks that filled the classroom. An impatient sigh escaped from his lips as he closed his eyes to enjoy the remaining time of sanity and peace he will have all year, well at least till two o'clock. He ranted on and on to himself in why he even bothered to do this again. Sure he loved his job, but the kids he got were…just sometimes not worth the ordeal. Sure, time to time he'll get good kids who work hard and care about their education, like his beloved granddaughter. Then, there are times where he'll get those kids who just deviously test him in committing first degree murder or child abuse or suicide or anything that will inflict pain.

_five more minutes left… _

Another sighed came out of the elder. He made sure he was properly prepared this year. Bushy grey eyebrows pulled together in frustration; there was no list of names for him on his wooden desk, so he didn't know what kids he was getting this time. The list of names would come later on when they were pretty sure everyone was in school. Tick tock. Tick tock. That was the only sound in the room so far, he couldn't even hear himself breath. He was breathing, right?

The elder quickly glanced around the room to see everything nice, neat and organized in their rightful place. The cursive alphabet was stretched across the room on a large line of colorful posters. Pictures of animals in many sizes, landscapes of many beautiful places of the world, and encouraging posters that said 'Good Job' and 'Way to Go'. A cliqued kind of room for a fifth grade class. Except for the medical supply in the back.

He straightened the papers on his desk, sat up and waited for Death to knock on his door. _I make it sound like I am going to die. _

A small knock came from the door. The elder's head swung in that direction. It was a student, he knew since he could see the top of the head from the glassed square on his door, giving access to view outside in the hallway.

"Do come in." He said, still holding his breath.

A girl with platinum blonde hair poked her head in. She had big rimed glasses that shielded crystal blue eyes and she wore her red and black uniform.

"Ah my dear, I feared it was one of…them." The elder laughed with relief of seeing his granddaughter.

"Hello grandfather." The 4'3 platinum blonde said with a smile, but her voice was completely formal and respectful.

"So, where is my no good son?" He asked with a curious brow raised.

"I'm hhhhheeerrrrreeeee!" A girly voiced entered the room. Both blue eyes looked up to see a man, no taller than 5'9 with blonde hair and a cocky smile on his face. His hair was slightly spiked up, only with or four strands up as if they were horns. "How are you, pop? None of the hooligans here yet?" He asked.

The grandfather and granddaughter let out a embarrassed and ashamed sigh. "Arthur, please reframe yourself from drinking so early in the morning. Your putting out a bad example for Integra." The elder sipped more of his tea.

"I thought Walter put a new lock on the liquor cabinet?" Integra asked to herself out loud.

"By the way, where is the young lad? He is always with you?" Integra looked up at her grandfather.

"He's finding some of his friends and didn't feel like coming to class early." She answered.

"So I have him too?" The grandfather was seemingly in a happier mood now since getting some insight of the kids he'll get. Hopefully he won't get the little monster. He had enough of him at home.

"Yes, you do, but I don't know about the others." She said.

"I'm being ignored." Arthur pouted.

"Father, please. I'm in class so now you may go." Integra took her seat right in the front. She placed her normal blue backpack down and fixed her black tie with the Hellsing crest in the middle. Abraham thought it was funny how Integra dressed in a boy uniform. Instead of the plaid red and black skirt she wore regular black pants. The only exception she made was still wearing the red cardigan covering the white dress shirt.

Then, what Abraham had been waiting for had finally come. The school bell rang.

"Arthur, it's time for you to leave." Abraham informed his oblivious son whom was messing with a big globe.

"Arthur!" He order.

Arthur jumped and knocked down the globe, luckily it didn't break. "Um, yes father?"

"It's time to go." He repeated.

Arthur's eyes widen in surprise, "Oh ok. Later pop." He turned to his little girl. "Bye princess, daddy loves you!" He cooed.

Integra flinched in disgust at his words, "Father please….burn in hell." She mumbled the last three words.

Arthur left, leaving the door open. Abraham waited as two more students entered the room. One was a small girl, at least 4'1, with short choppy blonde hair and blue eyes. The other was a boy, at least 4'4, with brownish hair and green eyes. He wore the normal boy uniform, except for the tie a bit undone and on top of the Hellsing crest was a sticker of a geese.

"Miss Victoria and Mr. Bernadotte, what a pleasure to see you again." Abraham said with delight. So far, it was going to be a good morning with good students. _Maybe God does really pay attention?_

"Good morning Mr. Van Helsing." Seras said gleefully.

"'ello monsieur Van Helsing." Pip nodded as he started nipping on a toothpick.

Both took their seats next to each other. Abraham thought it was cute how Pip always acted like a brother to Seras…till he starts hitting on her. _How old were they again? _

Seras poked Integra's shoulder, "Hey Integra, how was your summer?"

The young Hellsing turned around with a polite smile, "Hello Seras, it was fine, but you know, I had _those _two to annoy me most of the time."

Seras was always jealous of Integra, not in a mean way, but more of an admiring way. She was a strong girl who didn't take crap from anyone. She was glad they were pretty close friends. Also, they were the only tomboys in school. Well, maybe not the only.

Seras saw Pip lean back in his chair and close his eyes, yup nap time for Pip.

Integra turned around more to talk to Seras.

"How was your summer?" She asked.

"Oh, it was fun. Pip and I went to the creek all the time with the Geese and played all day."

"Cool." Integra said.

"Shut up Mr. I shuffle cause I can't dance!" a voice was heard from the hallway.

"Can it be?" Pip sounded grim.

Seras and Integra stiffened and said in union, "It's her."

A girl, at least 4'7, with orange hair and tattoos on her right cheek and a star on her forehead came in, wearing a different type of uniform. She wore a dark green jacket with black pants and a white dress shirt. The crest on the side of the jacket and a giant M on it, representing the kids from the Millennium side of the school. Next to her was a boy about her height wore the same thing except with a beanie with an eyes on it, he had dark brown hair with piercing on his lip and ears. The other was blonde with green eyes and glasses, he too had a Millennium uniform on.

"It's Zorin Blitz." Integra said with narrowed eyes.

"Jan Valentine." Seras' face expression was the same.

"And Luke Valentine from the Millennium group." Pip spit out his toothpick.

Seras hated them, not only were they from the Millennium side of the school but they were completely jerks. Godamed private school was the top school in the country. The school was divided into three parts, Hellsing, Millennium and Iscariot. All three were competitive, though some did get along.

The Millennium kids looked back at the Hellsing kids.

"Well, well, look what we have here? Hellsing, Victoria and Bernadotte." Zorin laughed.

"Zorin." All kids looked to see their teacher scowl. "It's too early for rivalry."

Jan chuckled, "Sure Mr. Van Helsing."

The three took there seats and all of them waited for the others to arrive.

About six minutes later basically everyone was in their seats, waiting for the teacher to take role. Abraham sort of smiled a bit at his class. It wasn't as bad as it was last year. A few weren't here that were the real cause of the stress he had last year, which he was thankful for.

"Ok class, it's almost time to start so I'll be taking role for right now." Abraham started looking at the list of names.

"Alexander Anderson?"

"Here, Sir."

"Heinkel?"

"Here."

"Yumie?"

"Here."

"Zorin?"

"Sup."

"Luke Valentine?"

"Huh?" Luke lifted up his head with drool dripping off his chin.

"Luke Valentine?"

"Present."

"Kiss ass." Someone yelled.

"Who said that!" Abraham demanded. Some giggled and snickered.

"Alright, Walter Dornez?"

No answer. "Walter isn't here?" Abraham asked.

"I saw him, he's going to be late." Yumie called out.

"On the first day?" Abraham was disappointed in the young fellow. He never was one for such behavior. Only with…God he didn't want to think HE was coming to the class. Abraham grabbed a hold of his crucifix in the left pocket and said a quick prayer than carried on with attendance.

"Seras Victoria?"

"Here."

"Pip Bernadotte?"

"Oui?"

Abraham put down the list, "Looks like everyone is here besides Walter. Now to start off with class we will began with-" He didn't get to finish what he was saying, for loud music was coming from down the hallway, approaching the room. No one could make out the words, but the rhythm sounded like metal or rock. Van Helsing grew furious with the situation and was about to call security until he quickly remembered this happening once before. Last year the little devil did this same thing, to show he was coming. "Oh merciful God why me?" The elder pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. Already a migraine was developing.

All the students watched and listened as the music was getting closer and closer. Then, finally, two boys with black hair, one with blue eyes and the other with piercing red ones walked into the door. There uniforms were of Hellsing, but more different. The blue eyed had black pants, a black dress shirt with white lining and a red tie. The red eyed had black pants, red sweater with the zipper down, showing a black dress shirt with a funny looking red tie. The red eyed kid made a sneaky grin, "Lucy I'm home." He said musically.

"Alucard." Anderson shouted with rage.

"Anderson." Alucard's grin grew.

Abraham nodded at the blue eyed boy, "Walter."

Walter smiled, turned off the mini boom box from his shoulder and nodded back, "Sir, Van Helsing."

"Abraham." Alucard raised a brow.

"Alucard…" The elder said sourly.

"Seras!" Seras yelled cheerfully.

"Silence stumpy!" Alucard commanded.

"Stop calling me that emo!" She yelled back.

"Grow damn you!" Alucard pointed at her.

"Eat damn it!" She copied.

"Monkey want a banana?" Alucard teased.

"Both of you silence!." Abraham yelled over the screaming children.

"AAAHHHH! AAAAHHHH! AAAAHHHH!" Everyone looked at Jan with weird expressions on their faces. Jan stared back, "What? I wanted to get in on it too."

Abraham knew this would happen. Once Alucard entered the room…chaos erupted. "What are you even doing here, Mr. Dracul? Your not in my class this year. Thank the heavens for that."

Alucard handed him a piece of paper with the same sneaky grin. Van Helsing read it and as he read more and more of it, his jaw dropped. Alucard was already transferred back to his class due to rather rash behavior from his other class, "How the bloody hell did you manage to get kicked out of your home room in under five bloody minutes!" He fumed.

"Kicked out is such a harsh word, I would call it transferred ." Alucard corrected with a fake smile.

"Okay, how did you get TRANSFERRED from your home room?" Abraham asked threw his teeth.

Alucard grinned and looked back at Walter, his best friend, who he too had the same look, "A lot of duck tape."

"And glue." Walter added.

"And an apple." Alucard added also.

"An apple?" Abraham was confused.

"Walter got hunger." Alucard said as if his teacher was crazy.

"Fine, whatever just sit down…" Abraham said as he crumpled up the piece of paper.

The two boys went to their seats, Alucard sat behind Seras and Walter sat behind Pip.

"Stumpy." Alucard greeted with looking at her.

"Anorexic." She said while doodling on her flowered notebook.

Alucard turned his head, "Bernadotte."

"Dracul." Pip nodded.

"Okay, now class. Like I was saying before I was rudely interrupted." He glared quickly at Alucard then smiled back at the class, "We will all take turns to tell stories of what we did this summer. Who would like to go first?" He asked. No one raised there hands. "Don't make me pick on you at random."

Still nothing. Abraham sighed, "Let's start with…Anderson. What did you do over the summer?"

Anderson sat up straight, "I went to bible camp with Yumie and Heinkel."

"Bible camp?" Alucard whispered dumbfounded to Walter. The young butler shrugged.

"That sounds like fun, what did you do?" Abraham asked.

Anderson smiled, "Well, it's like an ordinary camp but sometimes we talked about the bible right before bed time."

"The bible is just a strongly worded porno for the pope." Alucard said. Everyone started to laugh instead of the Iscariots.

"Shut up heathen! Your just mad that we're going to heaven and your not." Anderson replied.

Alucard shrugged, "Hey, it's easy to go to hell, it's just the other place that's the challenge."

"Alucard, stop. You know how I feel about you discriminating the church." Integra ordered him.

Alucard raised a brow, "So burning the bible or using it as toilet paper would be being mean to the church as well?"

"Different person!" Abraham yelled, trying to stop any fights that were about to happen. "Alucard Dracul you have five seconds to straighten up or I'll send you down to the office, got it."

Alucard pouted.

"Now who's next? How about you Luke? What did you do over the summer?" Abraham asked.

Walter, and probably everyone in the class, zoned out as Luke explained his summer. No one cared what he said, even his friends and brother didn't really care. The young butler grabbed his pencil, tore off a piece of paper from his My Chemical Romance folder and started writing a note. Making sure Abraham wasn't looking he tossed it on the little blonde girl's desk.

He watched as Seras noticed the paper and opened. A smile was seen from the little blonde girl. Walter waited patiently as Seras quickly wrote on the note and tossed it back to him. Quietly, he opened it and read the nice cursive hand writing.

_My summer was okay, how about yours? Spending three months with Emo must get pretty hellish. Lol_

Walter lightly chuckled and wrote back. _Alucard is my best friend, sure he can be an idiot sometimes, but you can get used to it. _He tossed it back. Back and forth the two children wrote notes to each other, not noticing that other people were taking turns about explaining their summer. The young butler taped the eraser part of the pencil to his lip a few times, debating whether or not to ask Seras the question. He took a deep breath and wrote down: _What are you doing after school today? _And gave it to her. Walter didn't expect much, since she mostly hanged out with the Geese. Of course, they were Hellsing, but their little group was called the Wild Geese. He watched as Seras wrote done her answer and give it back.

_Nothing if there's no homework, why?_

Walter was going to put done if she wanted to go by the River and hang out but flaked out and wrote. _Just making conversation._

Just as he was about to give back the note he saw a shadow hung over him. "Mr. Dornez, may I have that please?" Abraham asked with a brow up.

"Crap…" Walter muttered. He handed the note to the teacher as he opened it up.

"Oooooo, Walter and Seras sitting in a tree." Alucard laughed.

"F-U-C-K-I-N-G!" Jan yelled.

"What doez zat zpell?" Pip asked.

"You really are an idiot, huh?" Integra shook her head.

"Mr. Valentine, go to the principles office!" Abraham ordered.

"NNNNNOOOOOO!" Alucard yelled with eyes about to pop out. "No one can beat my record of getting kicked out of class on the first day of school!"

"Ha! Looks like I'm gonna break that record Alucard." Jan said as he made his way to the door.

Alucard started to panic and looked around to see what he can do to get sent out. _Ah ha! _He thought. Alucard picked up his binder and chucked it at Anderson's direction. "My eye!" The spiky blonde kid covered his eye and hit the ground.

"Alucard!" Abraham yelled.

"Yeah, yeah principle's office. Way ahead of you!" Alucard shouted over his shoulder as he knocked down Jan to beat him to the office.

"Get the fuck back here!" Jan chased him.

"Run Forrest run!" Zorin cheered.

"That saying is so old." Integra rolled her eyes.

"Shut up flat chest." Zorin spat.

"At least she doesn't have a lazy eye!" Seras smirked. Zorin fumed but didn't say anything.

Integra and Seras lifted up both their arms and stuck out their middle finger with their hands moving around in the air. "Yeah bitch, yeah bitch!"

Abraham sat in his seat and placed his forehead on top of the desk. His class room was already out of control…and it was only 7:45.

**A/N: I know not that funny but this chapter was mostly to inform of how everything is. Like a filler. The next are going to be funnier, trust me xD! Please review and if you have any funny suggestions of what should happen during the school year please inform me. I am happy to hear what you all, my readers, say. Later!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Yo! This is the second chapter! I would like to thank Wuya6, xXAmiRogueXx, Adlevo, Frezzeca, and Max000 as my first reviewers for this story. To reassure you readers, yes the Major, ****Hans, Rip, and Schrödinger going to be in this story along with everyone else in the Hellsing OVAs. So don't fret xD. Well, that's all I got to say besides if you have any funny ideas I'll listen to 'em. Now Enjoy the chapter! Oh for you people who asked, they are in fifth grade.**

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"Do any of you have any questions about your schedules?" Abraham asked his class, that seemed to quiet down now.

Seras raised her hand. "Yes, Miss Victoria?"

"So, we will still have this class, but also with a few minor classes as well with different teachers?" She asked.

Abraham nodded, "Yes, this will be your main class, like last year, you will be learning English, History and Math in this class. Since you guys chose your elective classes, those will be the ones you will be going to during the middle of the day. You will have two electives, for example, art or drama. P.E. and Science you all have so that will be during your two elective class or before one. Remember, not all of you have the same classes.

"I have Art, P.E, science and poetry, what do you have Integra?" Seras asked to her friend.

Integra scrunched her face into a pout, "Well at least we have two classes together, I got Culinary, P.E, Science, and Woodshop. What the hell is Woodshop?"

Pip kneeled besides the two confused blondes, "It's when you make things out of wood, like a bookshelf. I have that class after this class."

Seras chuckled, "Wood."

Pip laughed and shook his head, "Really?"

"Damn, who else has that class?" She wondered.

"I do." Yumie said as she came over.

The three raised a brow. Yumie sighed in frustration, "I don't want to be alone in that class."

Integra nodded, "Sounds reasonable. Okay, see you in woodshop?"

"Sure, but I do have P.E after my first class. Same as you guys." She answered.

"Okay, I'm confused. How does this go again?" Pip chewed on his toothpick.

"Here, look." Seras said, pointing at her schedule, " Okay, we all have three elective classes, we go to those after this class, then if we have the same class in Science we go there then we come back here for History and Math."

Pip made an 'oh' with his mouth.

"You guys ready to go to our elective classes?" Walter came over with a smile on his face.

"Yup, let's go!" Seras cheered.

Everyone got up and started to leave to there other classes. Some waved goodbye to Abraham and he waved back. As the door shut tight he collapsed on his desk and fell asleep, already tired from teaching their first class. _At least I have a few hours of rest… _

_

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_

First Elective class: 

Integra and Walter had the same class for their first elective, Culinary.

The little blonde Hellsing chewed on a lollipop stick, "I don't remember choosing this class."

Walter opened the door for her and walked in, "Well, at least it's not choir or something like Rip has."

"Rip is back?" Integra seemed shocked.

"Yeah, I ran into her while I was looking for Alucard this morning. She has choir right now with Miss. Westerna."

"Lucy Westerna?" She asked. Walter nodded.

Both of them took their seats in the front.

"Oh yeah we own the front!" Walter and Integra turn to see on the table close to them seated Zorin and Jan.

"What are you guys doing here?" Walter frowned.

"Well we were walking around and stumbled upon these seats and decided to sit in them…what the fuck do you think? We have this class you idiots." Jan snorted. Zorin grinned, "We're just going to be the best of friends."

"I rather go out with Luke than be your guy's best friends." Integra said.

"Ew you wanna date Luke, Integra!" Jan yelled loud enough for the class to hear. Some Integra knew like Heinkel, Anderson, Enrico and some of Pip's gang who were part of the Hellsing group, the Wild Geese.

"I said I RATHER go out with him then be your BESTFRIENDS, Jan." Integra said threw her teeth.

"Luke and Integra." Zorin sang.

"Bitch please!" Integra yelled.

"There vill be none of that language in mien class, Miss Hellsing." A chubby short man came in the room.

Integra sank back into her chair, "Yes, Mr. Major."

The blonde major smirked, "Good, now class please take out un notebook for notes."

Everyone did as they were told. "Man, I didn't know fatty was in charge of this class this year." Walter mumbled.

"I wonder how the others are doing in their classes." Integra continued to sulk. Then Integra remembered, "Oh yeah, where the hell is Alucard?"

Walter didn't look up as he took the notes the Major was writing on the board, "Either in the principles office still or in his first elective class."

As the two continued to write notes a small paper airplane slowly floated near them and gently hit Walter on the head. He barley felt it but still noticed it. "What the?"

"Yeah…consider that a warming." He heard Jan whisper.

_Bloody idiot, _he thought.

After a few seconds later another paper airplane, going the same slow speed hit Integra in the head, "Aerial attack!" Zorin whispered.

Integra tried to ignore them. As another one floated near Walter he smashed it down on the desk. "Stop it!"

"Stop vhat, Valter?" Major frowned at him.

"It's Walter."

"I know that's vhat I said, Valter."

"Walter."

"Valter."

"W-A-L-T-E-R!"

"…Valter."

"Damn it fatty it's WALTER, WALTER! There's no freakin' V!" He yelled.

Everyone started laughing, "Someone's going to get it!"

"Mr. Dornez, come here please." Major said.

Walter put down his pen and walked to the front of the class. The major searched through his desk drawers and pulled out a pointy hat that read _Un Idiot_. "Put this un for the remaining of the class."

Walter shooed the teachers hand away, "You got to be kidding me! You can't do that to kids anymore, it's against the law."

As Walter put his guard down a bit the Major quickly placed the hat on him, "Too bad so sad." And he went back to the whiteboard. Walter blushed at the embarrassment of the whole class giggling and laughing at him. _He just had to leave me facing the whole class_…

Integra felt bad for her friend but couldn't help but laugh a little. During the remaining time of the class, Zorin and Jan kept throwing paper balls at her when the major was writing down the food pyramid on the board. At one point they were small and a lot of them landed on her, like it was raining. "That's it." Integra whispered. She smashed together a paper ball and raised her little hand to throw it at them.

Jan's face turn to dread as he said in 'slow motion', "Don't do it."

Integra rolled her eyes and threw the ball at Jan's head. It gently bounced off his head, Zorin and him watched it fall to the floor. Zorin looked back at Jan with an eyebrow up, Jan stared blankly at her then slowly tipped to the side till he landed on the floor. Zorin and Integra covered their mouths so the Major wouldn't hear them holding back laughter.

"Avenge me!" Jan whispered.

Zorin saluted him, went in her backpack and threw deodorant at her. Integra dodged it with disgust on her face. The deodorant hit Enrico's shoulder, "What the heck!"

The Major turned around, "Vhat is going un here?"

Integra and Zorin made it look like they were working. The major went back to writing on the board while both Walter and Integra gave each other thumbs up.

* * *

Second Elective class:

Seras placed her backpack in her locker, changed from her uniform to red shorts and a white t-shirt and walked out of the locker room to the blacktop. Her friends were already in their P.E uniforms, talking among themselves. The sun today was covered in some clouds so thankfully it wasn't too bright outside.

"Hey guys." Seras said.

Pip, in black short and a white shirt, waved, "Yo Seraz, you won't believe what I found out from Integra here."

Integra smiled, "Hi Seras."

"What happened?" Sears asked.

Walter walked up to them with Alucard by his side, "Zorin has extra deodorant in her backpack and threw it at her in Culinary class."

Alucard shook his head, "That girl needs two more of those, she sweats like a man."

"Weren't you in the office from your little stunt this morning?" Seras crossed her arms.

"They let me go since it was the first day of school, Why, don't enjoy my company stumpy?" Alucard smirked.

"Shut it emo, I'm not in the mood for your sarcasm today." Her blue eyes narrowed.

Alucard flicked his fingers on Seras forehead, "Shorty."

"Damn you!" Seras threw a punch at him put Alucard stepped back clearly dodging it, "Can't touch me!"

Alucard kept dodging Seras' attacks and started to sing, "J-J-J-J- Just like the bad guy from Lethal Weapon 2. I've got diplomatic immunity so Hammer you can't sue.I can write graffiti, even jaywalk in the street. I can riot, loot, not give a hoot, and touch your sister's teat, Can't touch me!"

Seras could hear Pip, Integra and Walter start laughing, "Family Guy! I love that episode!" Walter said between his laughs.

Alucard smirked, and continued, "STOP! Peter time! I'm a big shot, there's no doubt. light a fire then pee it out. Don't like it? kiss my rump, just for a minute let's all do the bump." Seras' attacks were slowly down since she was laughing, "Damn it Dracul, stop."

Alucard poked her head with his finger, "Can't touch me. Yeah, do the Peter Griffin bump. Can't touch me. I'm presidential Peter, interns think I'm hot. Don't care if you're handicapped, I'll still park in your spot. I've been around the world from Hartford to Back Bay. It's Peter, Go Peter, MC Peter, Yo Peter, let's see Regis rap this way!"

Finally Seras couldn't continue her revenge and started laughing on the floor, Pip and Walter were trying to support themselves by placing their hands on their knees. Alucard sauntered over to Integra with a evil grin, "Except for you, you can touch me."

Integra gave him a stern look then punched him in the face. All three kids who were laughing stopped and stared at the little blonde girl, then continued laughing their ass' off.

"I'm gonna p-p-pee myself." Walter said between gasps for air.

"What happened here?" Anderson asked as Heinkel, Yumie and him walked over to the small Hellsing group.

Alucard fist pump the air, still on the floor, "Peter Griffin Bump!"

Anderson sighed, "I'm not going to ask."

"Then don't Iscariot." Pip laughed.

Anderson was going to say something till the P.E teacher came out to the blacktop. "Y'all get back over here, we need to start class!"

The Hellsing and Iscariot kids walked over to the teacher. Seras noticed the class was filled with people she knew. Zorin, Jan, Han and Luke from Millennium were there. Anderson, Yumie and Heinkel from Iscariot too. The only Hellsing kids were Walter, Integra, Alucard/emo, and herself.

"So, I'm Coach Quincey. You guys can call me Mr. Q or Mr. Quinn." Quincey announced.

Seras could feel Alucard shift weirdly next to her. "What's wrong with you?"

One of his red eyes was twitching, " I don't know why…but I have a feeling that he should be dead…"

Seras snorted, "Why the hell should he be dead?"

Alucard titled his head to the side in a creepy manner, "I…don't…know…it just doesn't seem right that he's alive."

"Whatever you say psycho." Seras rolled her eyes.

"You say psycho like it's a bad thing, stumpy." Alucard chuckled.

"Alright, how bout y'all tell me bout your selves?" Quincey smiled.

"On the blacktop?" Heinkel wined.

"How about you sit on the numbers I assigned you?" He asked.

Most of the kids nodded and agrees while some still didn't want to be outside.

"Alright, Seras Victoria, your number one. Heinkel, your number two, Integra Hellsing your number three…" This went on for a few minutes and the students were all sitting down on their numbers that were sprayed on the blacktop. "Alright, you first Seras, how about you tell me a motto you go by?"

Seras smiled widely, "Fuck being a princess, I wanna be a vampire!"

Walter and Alucard cheered, "WOOOOHHH!"

Anderson snorted, "Heathen."

"Shut it catholic!" Walter hissed.

Alucard, who was sitting next to Walter, turned his head to face Anderson, "Yeah, shut up Judas priest, don't talk to my- I mean Seras like that." His eyes shifted, "Only I can."

"What?" Everyone stared at Alucard.

"I said only I can talk shit to stumpy! What did you guys hear?" Alucard acted like they were crazy.

"I think I'm hearing things," Integra told Heinkel. The other blonde nodded in agreement.

Alucard's face was covered in sweat drops, _Shit! That was close! _He yelled at himself.

"No cursing guys, you too Seras." Quincey scolded.

"Sorry." Seras said.

"Alright, who else want's to describe themselves?" Quincey asked. A few hands were raised. "Okay, you in the back."

Alucard's head popped up with a grim face, "Your suppose to be dead."

"Uh…" Quincey didn't know what to say. "Okay, next person? You in the third row."

Luke put his hands down, "I would describe myself a happy person who is understanding and fun."

Walter snorted, "Yeah, funny to look at."

"OH! Sick burn!" Jan laughed. Luke flipped off the grinning butler.

Quincey sighed, "Fine, next person? You in the second row."

Alucard's head popped up again with the same grim look, "Why are you alive?"

Quincey just stared at the boy with horror, "How about everyone just go play basketball."

For the rest of the period the kids played basketball, except for the fact they were all cheating. Alucard would trip Anderson every time he ran to the basketball hoop. Zorin would snatch Integra's glasses for she wouldn't know who to throw the ball too. Integra wasn't that blind, just near sighted (**Can't see that good far away**). Alucard and Jan would toss the ball back and forth between Seras, calling her stumpy, shorty or strawberry shortcake.

Pip would get his sling-shot out of his pocket and launch small rocks at Luke, where the sun don't shine. Everyone laughed when Luke hit the ground whimpering from the hit. Han and Yumie were the only ones standing around not doing anything, they knew classmates would end up hurting them or worse. They knew better than playing a game between Hellsing, Iscariot and Millennium.

Once the bell rang the kids went to go change and go to their third elective class or science.

* * *

Science Class: 

Alucard and Walter walked off to there science class, talking about who will be in their next class.

"I hope Zorin and Jan aren't in there. I have had them for th first three classes. Bad enough we have them for our home room." Walter whined.

Alucard shrugged as he was listening to his Ipod, "Well, who knows, maybe we'll know no one in there."

"Ugh, don't say that." Walter looked at the map, "Where the hell are we?"

"Isn't it this building?" Alucard pointed at the two story building that read _Science._

Walter smacked his head with his hand, "How did I miss that."

Alucard wiggled his eyebrows, "Thinking of Seras a bit too much there old boy."

Walter glared at his best friend, "I don't know what your talking about."

"Sure you don't." Alucard and Walter walked up the stairs.

"And you staring at her didn't mean anything or the fact that you called her "my" doesn't ring a bell?" Walter smirked.

"Aw come on Walty, you know I only love you." Alucard made a kissy face.

Walter twitched and punched him, Alucard started to roll down the stairs. "See you in class!" Walter called over his shoulder.

The young butler walked into class seeing most of the chairs taken already. Luckily for him Zorin and Jan weren't in the class. _Thank you god, _He sighed in relief.

As he continued to look around he mostly saw Iscariot kids and some Millennium kids as well. Then, a certain blonde head captured his attention. Seras sat in of the lab tables doodling on her notebook. _Thank you God! _He said in pure relief. There was on open seat next to her. "Seras, may I seat here?" Walter asked politely.

Seras looked up and her faced beamed when she saw who it was, "Of course Walter, at least I finally have one friend in this class."

Walter placed his black backpack on the desk and sat down, "Well if you call Alucard a friend also." he chuckled.

"Oh, emo has this class too?" Seras didn't know whether to be happy or bummed.

"Yeah but he's going to be late," Walter took out his notebook and pencil, getting ready for the teacher.

"Why, even though I'm not surprised." Seras continued doodling.

"I punched him in the face which now he has to crawl back up the stairs." Walter said casually.

Seras busted out laughing, "What did he do this time?"

"He tried to make a move on me." Walter smirked.

"I knew he liked little boys." She laughed.

"Shouldn't you be saying that to priests?" Walter joked.

"Hey!" Anderson fumed.

"Quiet Judas priest." Alucard as he walked into the class and sat in the seat that was on the left side of Seras.

"Sad emo?" Seras cooed.

"Stumpy, be quiet I have a killer headache." Alucard rested his head on the table.

Seras patted his black hair, "Good boy."

Alucard growled.

"Leave him, he's just in his mood." Walter propped his elbow on the table and rested his head on the knuckles of his hand.

"Well I wouldn't be in one of my moods if some bloody punk bitch hadn't punch me in the face." Alucard said, head still resting on the table with Seras poking his head.

"Control your PMS dude." Walter laughed, "I was protecting myself."

"You know I was joking…" Alucard lifted up his head and narrowing his eyes at Seras who was now poking his cheek. "Stop…touching…me!"

Seras looked at him innocently then poked him in the eye. "Damn it Police girl!" Alucard snatched her notebook away.

Seras pouted, "I rather be called Police girl than stumpy."

"Damn, well I guess it's back to stumpy." He grinned at her, "Huh? Stumpy?"

Seras was going to stab him with her pencil till Walter reached over a caught Seras notebook and handed it too her, "Alucard, stop picking on Seras. Save it for later okay? I don't want to put up you two fusing in this class."

"Or you just want to get her attention." Alucard mumbled.

Walter raised a brow, "What was that?"

"I said or you just want a muffin."

"Good, that's what I thought you said."

"I want a blueberry muffin." Seras thought openly.

The door opened. It wasn't the teacher, it was Pip and Schrödinger. Schrödinger was a year younger than everyone else but was skipped a grade so he was now in there grade class. He had blonde hair and purple eyes, and of course with a Millennium outfit on.

"Pip you hanging out with stumpy number 2 now?" Alucard asked.

Pip snorted, "No, we just happened to walk in on the same time….what are you doing in my seat?"

Alucard stuck his tongue out, "Finders keepers."

Pip shook his head and sat behind them with Schrödinger seating right next to him.

Pip leaned forward to Seras, "Who do you think will be teaching our science class this year?"

Seras shrugged, "Who knows, I hope it isn't Doc, he's too weird."

"Maybe it's Mr. Seward? He's cool." Walter said.

"I agree with my lover, Jack was a cool teacher." Alucard said lazy.

All of them just stared at him disgusted, "Really what's wrong with you?" Seras asked.

Alucard winked, "A lot of things my dear, a lot of things."

Everyone turned their attention to the door that swung wide open. _Seward, Seward, Seward! _They all prayed.

"Good morning, mien class. You all can call me Doc."

UUUGGGGGHHHHHH!" They all let out a disappointed sigh.

* * *

**Review Please! Oh and for all of those who don't know why Alucard was asking why Quincey was suppose to be dead for some reason it's because in the novel Dracula, The count a.k.a Alucard killed him at the end.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Yo! Sorry for not updating, been a very busy bee as of late. Hope this chapter will make up for the long wait. Enjoy!**

**Ah! Forgot again, characters like Alucard and Han will be what they originally are. Vampires, werewolves, cat *cough* Schrödinger *cough*. Sorry if they all of a sudden have their powers, I tryed not to make it look too noticeable.**

* * *

Still in Science class:

"I can't take it anymore." Alucard started twitching.

"It hasn't even past like what, five minutes?" Seras wondered. "Wait, wasn't Integra suppose to be in this class."

"Well since we got Doc I'm pretty sure she is in Seward's science class right now." Alucard was stabbing his binder multiple times for entertainment.

"Calm down Alucard, just take a nap till the class ends." Walter said without looking up from writing notes down. Doc was lecturing the class about cell theory and evolution. Almost all the students didn't bother writing what he said. Wish to know why? Doc had an accent too thick to understand at times. Shockingly, they could understand him a bit more this year. Usually what others would do in the past was copy notes from people who could understand him or ask, by which I mean pay, the Millennium kids to get the notes since they could understand him. Walter was a lucky one and could pick out what general idea he was talking about and try to write it out. It worked at times; it showed in his grades in the past.

"Now vat vould you children say about the theory ov evolution." Doc asked the half asleep class.

Pip raised his hand. "Yes, Mr. Bernadotte?"

"Zat we are monkeys?"

"Yes, good answer." Doc wrote more notes.

"No, he didn't say the whole thing." Alucard said abruptly.

"Vat?" Doc turned around.

"We are all retard fish frog squirrel monkeys." Alucard smiled.

"Stop copying shit from South Park!" Heinkel yelled.

"I'm bored, what do you expect for me to do, Iscariot!" Alucard growled.

"Mr. Dracul." Doc said sternly. "Come here."

Alucard cursed and went to the front of the class.

Walter and Seras watched as Doc handed Alucard a waterbottle that was filled with what looked like red juice. "Why is Doc giving him juice?" Seras asked.

Walter tried to choice his words carefully, "Well Seras, Alucard gets cranky when he doesn't…drink anything. Like how some people get cranky when they don't eat."

"Oh."

Alucard came walking back to the desk with a big smile on his face as he drank his bottle of 'juice'. "What flavor is it?" Seras asked.

"AB negative." Alucard sighed heavenly.

"What!" Seras squealed.

Walter smacked Alucard upside the head behind Seras, "I…I mean cherry, it's cherry flavored." Alucard restated.

Seras eyes widened, "Really! Can I have some?"

_What do I do? _Alucard yelled in Walter's head

Walter gave Alucard a disapproving look, _Van Helsing said not to use your powers at school!_

_Just help me! _Alucard growled inwardly.

"Um Seras?" Walter said nervously.

"Yes Walter?" She turned to the butler.

"Well, um you really can't drink some of that because um…it's specially made for…"

"Fine have some." Alucard placed the little straw in Seras mouth. Walter's jaw dropped.

Seras took a small sip, but once the liquid touched her taste buds she instinctively spat out the horrible taste. "Ugh! That's not cherry!"

Alucard face was covered in his 'cherry juice'. Small red drops fell down from the tips of his black hair onto the desk. "Fucking fuck." He mumbled.

Walter was pissed, _You gave her blood! Blood you idiot!_

Alucard look up at Walter with a dull expression, _Oh yeah like you weren't helping at all. _

_I was trying to think of something! _Walter yelled back.

_Bull shit!_ Then Alucard felt eyes staring at him. "What the…" Walter and him turned around slowly to see all the Millennium kids giving Alucard a animalistic glare. One of them licked their lips. "Uh…Doc?" Alucard gulped.

"Not now Mr. Dracul." Doc continued writing on the board. The kids got down from their seats and slowly walked to Alucard "Doc…" Seras turned to see what they were looking at. "What's with these kids?" One of the students jumped on top of the desk and looked down at Alucard. "Back away you freak." Alucard growled.

The student grinned and tried to take a snap at Alucard. "Did he just try to bite you?" Seras backed away.

Alucard pushed the student away. "Damn it, DOC!"

Doc, without turning around again, plugged his ears with his fingers and said, "La la la la, I cannot hear you."

"What kind of teacher are you?" Pip said while scooting close to Seras. Walter looked at him, _pfff chicken._

"Back, back I say. Listen to your king!" Alucard swung his binder at the approaching students.

"Conceded much." Seras said behind Walter.

"Bitch, I'm not conceited. I'm just awesome!" Once Alucard was distracted by that, the Millennium students jumped on top of him and either licked the blood off or tried to bite him. "AAAAHHHHHHHH GET THE FUCK OFF ME!" Alucard ran out of the room with at least two students in his back and a group running after him. The door slammed shut and Doc turned around with a grin on his face. "Ah, now that's better. I didn't expect all ov them to chase him but oh vell. I don't mind teaching Iscariot und three little Hellsing kids."

"Doc, that was just evil." Walter shook his head.

"Serves the heathen right." Alexander said smugly.

"Now vhere vere ve?" Doc said as he looked through the class science book.

Seras sat back in her seat. "What was up with those kids? Why they chase emo out of class?"

"I agree, zat was weird." Pip said.

Walter sighed and sank into his seat, "They were just…thirsty so…it made them cranky."

Seras little brows pulled together, "I'm never cranky when I get thirsty."

"No, but you do get eh little cranky if you don't get somezing to eat." Pip laughed.

"Shut it Pip!"

Walter rested his head on the desk. _Damn vampires…_

* * *

Poetry Class:

Seras, Walter and Pip walked down the hall to their next class. "You don't have poetry Pip?"

The brown haired boy sulked, "No…ze class waz already full."

"I didn't think people enjoyed poetry that much." Seras looked at Pip and felt sorry for him.

"It'z not zat I like ze class…it'z just zat who'z teaching it iz ah!" Walter punched Pip's shoulder before he continued to say anything.

"Why did you punch me?" Pip rubbed him shoulder.

Walter narrowed his eyes, "I saw a fly."

"Wait you guys wanted to join the class because who's teaching it?" Seras couldn't believe it. _Boys these days!_

Walter raised his arms, "No no Seras, you got it wrong, we uh wanted to take the class because well yes for the teacher BUT because the teacher is really cool and nice, unlike some others."

"Doc for example." Pip added.

"Yeah, like Doc. Poor Alucard was literally chased out of class because Doc didn't like him." Walter tried to wiggle his way out of the situation.

Seras nodded, "Alucard has been having bad luck and it's only the first day."

"Hey you called him by his first name instead of emo." Walter smiled.

Seras shrugged, "It slips from time to time."

"Well I'm off to photography class." Pip waved goodbye.

"Bye Pip, see you at lunch." Seras smiled.

"And no taking pictures of naked women." Walter joked. Pip flipped him the birdie.

Walter and Seras continued their way to class till a certain red eyed student came running down the hall that stopped right in front of them. "You okay?" Walter asked.

Alucard took a deep breath and relaxed, "Yup, lost them on the other side of campus. I'm fucking gonna get that bitch of a teacher back."

"Let me guess, you have poetry in room 14 too, huh?" Seras asked angrily with cheeks puffed out.

Alucard swung his arm around Seras shoulder and grinned, "Yes, but you see stumpy, there's only one reason boys and men put up with poetry is so that we can lure woman into our arms. It's in the book of Guys."

Seras removed his arm from her, "We'll I guess every boy here at Godalming Elementary school are nothing but pigs." **(Godalming is Aruthr's, from Dracula, last name. I figured that should be the name of the school. Don't hate)**

"Seras, you act like I'm a pig and I'm not." Walter defended himself.

"Then why poetry?" Seras raised a brow.

Walter stood up straight, "Because I do enjoy learning about." _And staring at the teacher if she has a nice butt.._

_Kudos my dear boy_, Alucard cheered Walter.

The final bell rang for class to start. "Crap we're late!" The three kids started to run. They reached room 14 in a matter of seconds and stepped into the classroom. Everyone who had been seating quietly in their seats now stared at the door. "This is embarrassing…" Seras blushed.

"Mr. Dracul, Mr. Dornez and Ms. Victoria you are late." The teacher stepped in front of Seras and the boys.

"Please, forgive us Mrs. Harker." Walter laughed nervously.

Mina smiled at them, "Well since it is the first day, I'll let you guys off with a warning."

Seras swore that she could see Walter and Alucard practically drooling at Mina. In the cartoons people who really liked someone would give them puppy dog eyes and could see little hearts floating around them. Yup, she could defiantly see it in her head. The little blonde rolled her eyes and sat down. Seras looked around and noticed a lot of the students in this class were boys. _Oh you got to be kidding me._

"Okay class I'm Mrs. Harker and I'll be your poetry teacher for the year." Mina beamed at the class. She grabbed a book from her desk and sat near the edge. "Now I know you guys already have some homework from other classes, but I'm sorry to say that you will have homework in this class today as well."

Mostly everyone started to whine a bicker. "We'll start with one of my favorite poets, Edgar Allan Poe. Does anybody know some of the things he did?"

Alucard raised his hand. "Yes, Alucard."

"Didn't he chop off his ear for some chick or something?"

"Um no that was Vincent Van Gogh." Mina said.

Jan raised his hand. "Yes, Jan?"

"Did he make peanut butter?"

A vein started to pulse on her forehead from anger, "No, he did not."

Tubalcaine raised his hand. "Yes, Tubalcaine?"

"Didn't he marry his cousin?"

"Yes, that is one thing. Good job." Mina congratulated the boy.

Tubalcaine smirked at his praise. "Damn you dandy man." Jan growled.

"Jealous." He whispered.

"Anybody else have some information? Yes, Walter?" Mina pointed at the butler.

"He was born January 19 1809 and died October 7 1849. He was an American poet and author, considered of the American Romantic Movement." Walter said in one breath.

"Great job Walter. You get a star." Mina clapped.

"I want a star…" Alucard pouted, _Traitor!_

Walter turned around to his best friend and stuck out his tongue.

"Now the poem will be reading for the next few days, the poem is on your desk by the way, will be _A Dream Within a Dream _by Poe_._"

"So it's like the movie Inception?" Dandy asked.

"Oh please no, that movie was way too confusing!" Jan yelled.

"It's like your in a dream within a dream within another dream wthin a taco." Alucard muttered.

"That's what it was about, tacos?" Enrico asked.

"And then the taco was dancing while eating other tacos." Alucard continued.

"Has anyone ever noticed that the words in therapist are actually The-rapist?" Luke said.

"If I throw a stick, will you just go away?" Alucard joked at Luke.

"Class that is enough, settle down. No it isn't like the ghastly movie Inception, which made no sense at all. Now, who would like to read it out loud?" Mina asked.

Seras raised her hand before any of the boys. "Yes, Seras?"

She stood up and stared reading the paper,

"Take this kiss upon the brow!

And, in parting from you now,

Thus much let me avow-

You are not wrong, who deem

That my days have been a dream;

Yet if hope has flown away

In a night, or in a day,

In a vision, or in none,

Is it therefore the less gone?

All that we see or seem

Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar

Of a surf-tormented shore,

And I hold within my hand

Grains of the golden sand

How few! yet how they creep-

Through my fingers to the deep,

While I weep- while I weep!

O God! can I not grasp

Them with a tighter clasp?

O God! can I not save

One from the pitiless wave?

Is all that we see or seem

But a dream within a dream?"

"No comprendo!" Dandy yelled. **(Means I don't understand).**

"Me too, amigo." Jan said.

Heinkel, who had been quiet finally talked, "Night is death and day is life the sand if loved ones and his own life slipping through his fingers and he is trying to keep it and surf tormented shore is his pain and he is questioning reality after a crisis also we think of our dreams as being real so when we wake up we don't want to face reality. That's what it means."

Everyone was staring at Heinkel with stunned faces. Mina didn't say anything at first. She couldn't believe the young girl...or boy, could figure that out by just hearing it one time.

"Well…yes that sums it up very nicely, excellent work Heinkel. Two stars." Mina praised. Heinkel smiled.

"Well, aren't we just a ray of fucking sunshine." Jan snorted.

"Jan, no cursing." Mina scolded.

"Will you smack me with a ruler if I do it again?" Jan grinned.

"Excuse me!"

"Jan stop sexually harassing Mrs. Harker." Seras yelled.

"I'm not! I'm just wondering." Jan yelled back.

"Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies." Alucard warned.

"Jan, step out side a minute please." Mina said with no emotion.

Everyone watched as Jan walked outside with Mina. It was silent for a few seconds that felt like hours. Seras watched the door, waiting for it open. Nothing for awhile till finally the door opened, showing a scared Jan and a calm Mina. "Go sit down Jan." Mina smiled down at the child, a smile that would make you shit yourself.

"Yes Mrs. Harker." Jan said instantly. The boy still looked scared as he sat down at his seat. Dandy chuckled, "What is the matter,amigo? Your eyes are bigger then your balls right now?"

Jan said nothing as he stared forward.

Luke snapped his fingers in front of his brother a few times, "Um Mrs. Harker…what did you do to my little brother?"

Mina was looking at a poem book with a smile, "It's best not to know these things Luke."

Walter felt a shiver go up his spine, "God…she's scary."

"Yeah." Walter turned to see Alucard with a wide grin that went ear to ear. "She's amazing."

"Dude your eleven years old." Walter said. Alucard sighed, "You humans and age."

"Vampires for life." Dandy whispered.

Alucard gave him a thumbs up.

"Now…what time do we get out of here?" Mina wondered innocently out loud. The students stared at her, all thinking that maybe she wasn't as sweet and nice as she let on.

* * *

**Author's note****: Yes, I leave it off at that. If you all wish to know what Mina said or did to Jan I will put it in the next chapter…if I see those lovely reviews of yours ^^**

**And yes, I'm a review whore. Reviews! Lol naw I'm just kidding….or am I? :P**


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